wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
