My first STD was from a foam party
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
