the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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