I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
