dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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