how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
