Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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