Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
