I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
