You're my little dorito
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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