A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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