We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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