Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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