I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize