Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
