id be glad to
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize