took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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