My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
