Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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