Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
