my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
