true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
