I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
