I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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