VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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