She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
