The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
whose parrot is this?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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