I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
