Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
