Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
