she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
