Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
