i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
