chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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