i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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