he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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