you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
