I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
