Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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