After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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