he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
