saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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