On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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