How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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