Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
