You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
