Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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