Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I FOUND THE LEGS
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
