She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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