The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
