im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
