omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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