look no pants
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
