There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize