phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
