Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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