Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
