I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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