We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize