did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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