You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
