Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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