As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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