So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
