I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
that is very illegal...i love you.
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