I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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