O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
