big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize